Learning To Say Goodbye

I haven't blogged for a few days.

My dog is dying.

Lucia has been my constant companion. My husband calls her my "shadow." She follows me everywhere. Upstairs, downstairs, to my desk, into the bathroom. She's always there.

But the stairs are more difficult now. Sometimes she doesn't follow. Sometimes she stays downstairs.

She's 13 or 14 years old. We don't know for sure. We adopted her when she was 4 or 5 years old. When my daughter was five. They're the same age. Except they're not. Lucia is about 80 in people years.

She's not really eating.

She's not able to keep what she does eat down.

She has a mass in her abdomen.

We're going in today for an ultrasound. To see what kind of mass.

I asked, "Is there ever a good kind of mass?"

Not really.

So, I'm thinking about goodbye.

I don't like this. I don't want to say goodbye. I want her with me.

But it's not about me.

It's about Lucia.

I'm learning how to say goodbye.