Body Image and Daughters

I have felt fat most of my life,
even as a little kid in early elementary school.


In high school, even though I was actually a fine weight, I felt fat.  People around me (including friends) told me I should lose weight.  I'd be prettier.  I'd be more attractive to boys.  Ugh.

In my 20's, while I started to feel better about myself physically, I still struggled with how I looked, feeling fatter than I should be.

Even though I intellectually knew that the definition of beauty encompasses a huge variety of looks, I still wanted to fit into the "right" or "best" tiny segment of the beauty continuum.

It didn't work.  I still thought I was overweight.


Then I had a baby girl.


I did NOT want my daughter growing up with the same worries about body image, and frankly self-hate related to her size and shape.

I knew I couldn't protect her from everything.

But, I decided I would not make it worse.

I sat myself down and had a little chat.

I had a choice.  I could perpetuate the insecurity of feeling fat and "not good enough" or I could do something about stopping the cycle.

I vowed then and there that I would NEVER utter the words, "I feel fat," in front of my daughter:

Even though I still felt overweight and complained to myself, my husband, and friends, I vowed I would never bad mouth myself (or other women) in front of my daughter.

I would never say, "I feel fat."

And I never have.


I couldn't "cure" myself of body image self-doubt, but I could help my daughter get a more confident start in life and hopefully be better prepared to face what lay ahead.


As a result of consciously avoiding hateful self-talk in front of Juliana, I began to feel better about myself.

I still struggle sometimes.

But, I know in my heart, as well as my head, that BEAUTY comes in all shapes and sizes.



BEAUTY rocks all kinds of awesome!


Most importantly, beauty is more about self-acceptance and self-love than anything else.


And the TLC show What Not to Wear helps too.

Juliana (now 14 years old) and I have watched many episodes of What Not to Wear with Stacy and Clinton.

No matter what size or shape woman walks onto their show in the beginning, a confident, gorgeous woman leaves.

All the woman - short, tall, heavy, slender - look awesome and feel awesome too!


So, have I saved my daughter from all body image self-doubt?  Have I saved myself?

No.

But I know she feels pretty good about herself, which is saying a lot when you're 14 years old.


More than anything, I know she's better prepared to face body image challenges than I ever was.

And that feels pretty darn good.

Spring 2012

Today in my Building a Blog You Truly Love class, we're writing brave posts.  If you'd like to read more brave posts or link up your own post, visit Liv Lane's blog.