Six Embarrassing Things Before Breakfast

There is a famous quote from Alice in Wonderland about believing "six impossible things before breakfast." Today, according to my daughter, I did Six Embarrassing Things Before Breakfast.

Here is a list of my offenses:

1. I said I wanted to "shadow" her at school to see what all her classes were like.

2. I suggested I come to her math class and tell the naughty kids (most of whom I know) to "zip it!" or I'll call their moms.

3. I offered to substitute teach her co-ed Health class.

4. I almost ran over Adam, a boy in her grade. (I actually only startled him as I drove down the alley.)

5. Sheila at the corner market and I laughed about telling an overdue pregnant woman to have sex to get things moving. (The woman did ask for suggestions!)

6. Worst of all, when dropping off my daughter at school, I said "I love you," with the car door wide open!

Tomorrow, for my daughter's sake, I'll try to limit myself to only Three Embarrassing Things Before Breakfast. If I can.